Many people experience life-defying challenges later in life, whether in their teens or as adults. However, I was the complete opposite. At the young age of four, the simple life I had was transformed into a whole new universe when I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, or simply speaking, I had cancer. While I am beyond grateful for the support everyone gave me throughout treatment, the overwhelming amount of attention and my classmates' lack of understanding caused me to shut down emotionally. I became the “invisible child.” This feeling continued to linger long after my cancer went into remission.  I’ve felt like an “invisible child” for most of my life, affecting both my self-confidence and mental health. An experience I had at Camp One-Step, a non-profit summer camp for those affected by childhood cancer, has helped to remedy this invisible feeling. Camp taught me to be okay with taking up space, advocating for myself, and unapologetically being my most authentic self.

In order for me to experience such growth, I’ve needed to face challenges. Living in a small community that lacked understanding of how I felt, even years after being out of treatment, made my experiences feel invalid. I’ve often been asked, “How much do you even remember?” and that's the problem; not enough to be taken seriously but plenty enough to struggle silently as the “invisible child.”  According to Dr. Jonic Webb in her Psychology Today article, an “invisible child” is defined as “someone who is out of touch with their emotions, who doesn’t believe their feelings matter. Someone who doesn’t believe they matter. They push down their needs, desires, and passions. They feel as though they are on the outside looking in.” While I’ve suffered silently, feeling guilty, my perspective of life was turned upside down when my mom’s student was diagnosed with cancer. She told me about Camp One-Step.

Unlike most campers who started going to camp soon after they were diagnosed, I didn’t learn about it until twelve years after my diagnosis, this last summer was my first time ever going. Despite my later arrival, everyone was beyond welcoming. Camp One-Step was not only a fun adventure where I could grow social skills and relax but also a place of healing. The friends I made at camp understood what I went through, the trauma, the young age, family life, and even the out-of-pocket jokes. I felt seen in a way that I never had before. Overall, Camp One-Step provided a space where I could share my struggles while simultaneously existing without explaining my history to everyone I met. I was more than just my diagnosis. This newfound community unveiled a new sense of confidence, higher self-esteem, and my authentic, unapologetic self.

My new sense of self is already evident in my senior year of high school: charging into my dreams head-on, being passionate about my values, and not being afraid to fight for what I believe in. Without a doubt, I know these traits will only continue to flourish in college, revealing even deeper passion and self-worth. While at college I hope to share what I’ve learned and continue to support these spaces for cancer survivors, such as volunteering, donating, or sharing what I know about community and mental health. I’ve learned that my dreams and passions matter most to me, I don't want my time consumed by stressing about how I’m “in the way” or “being too much.” I want to live my life, share my experiences, and achieve my goals. I used to wish I was someone other people wanted, but now I strive to be someone I want.